Hostel-Lite

Turistas (2006)
Directed by John Stockwell, Screenplay by Michael Ross

Turistas is the film that people think Hostel is. It's a moral fable about sex and travel and xenophobia with a thin veneer of class warfare and medicine thrown in to cover the gore fest. (Actually it's not a fest so much as a sampler plate.) Turistas takes us to the exotic countryside of Brazil. If there's one thing that I think of when I think of Brazil it's sex--the kind of sex where you wake up the next morning smelling of coconuts and missing a kidney. And Turistas delivers that kind of Brazilian sex. Turistas is an old fashioned moral fable about why it's a bad idea to leave the well-trodden path. The lesson here is that searching for some sort of "authentic" experience off the beaten trail will get you the "authentic" experience of being killed and having your organs harvested. Next time you should just stick to the tourist spots and avoid the adventurism. Of course, this point is kind of lost in the beautiful cinematography of lush tropical vistas and lovely writhing locals, but I'm pretty sure there are better ways to see those vistas than running through them while trying to escape homicidal health care workers and their mercenaries.
The organ harvesting is the post-colonial veneer of the film where the crazy doctor Zamora (Miguel Lunardi) a low-rent Bond villain, rights the wrongs done by the rich and the American and the European and the health care industry by kidnapping tourists killing them and harvesting their organs. There are several problems with his plan besides the obvious moral dubiousness of murdering people for their organs. 1. He has idiots working for him who manage to kill people in ways that destroy all their organs. (Running someone down until they jump off a cliff makes them useless for organ harvesting.) 2. His victims have probably managed to drink themselves into cirrhosis already in whatever brief time they've been in Brazil. 3. Zamora himself is clearly unhinged. He is even more unhinged than is normal for a doctor who is secretly kidnapping tourists and taking their organs for the poor.
Needless to say (and yet, here we are saying it) the semi Marxist doctor and his mercenaries are no match for attractive Americans (and Brits) who are on vacation. In statistics somewhat reminscent of WWII two Brits die and two out of three Americans survive along with an Aussie. The survivors are a brother and sister (her best friend gets harvested) and the multilingual Aussie girl who may not be a plucky American but presumably is good enough to survive. (Although, in the original draft of the script she didn't survive.)

So, is there anything worth seeing here? Well, there are some attractive people running around with little in the way of clothing including Olivia Wilde (13 from House!) and Josh Duhamel as the brother and sister Alex and Bea. (She's Bea and he's Alex.) Beau Garrett as Bea's friend Amy. (Beau Garrett did a guest spot on House a little while ago and she and Olivia Wilde are also both in Tron: Legacy.) And then there's Melissa George as Pru, the Aussie survivor. Plus there are the Brazilians Cristiani Aparecida and Lucy Ramos as Arolea. Arolea takes the less attractive of the two brits, Finn (Desmond Askew) over to a shack behind a bar on the beach and proceeds to have sex with him and then tell him the price for the aforementioned romp, which is really insult to injury given the fact that he's going to be dead soon anyway. At least the girls in Hostel gave their victims a freebie. Poor Finn gets his self-esteem destroyed, he's drugged along with the rest of the boys and girls not from Brazil and eventually murdered. There's a fantastic chase scene in underwater caves that is somewhat worth seeing on its own. And then there's poor Kiko (Agles Steib) the local who befriends the travelers, betrays them and then helps them, getting himself killed in the process. He's a goofy schmuck and along with the rockin' tunes of Marcelo D2 provides a lot of local flavor. Also providing local flavor is a bit of dancing to the tune of MC Tam's Vidro Fumê, an especially nasty tune from Brazil that would make Sir Mix-a-lot's dirty cousin Lord Nutsack blush.
The violence is, at its worst as gory as Hostel but not as sustained. The scene where Amy is cut open is probably the most disgusting set-piece here. All in all, the violence leaves me squeamish but without the interesting story and character that made the two Hostels tolerable. Some good performers here have to do a lot to make up the difference and they come close, but there's only so much they can do with what is essentially a jungle chase movie.
I think the best improvement would have been making Zamora less unhinged and more grey. Frankly, this film could have been worth the effort if if took the ethical quandary it began with and really forced us to confront some harsh decisions. As it stands, Turistas is tolerable but not really engaging, ultraviolent with a smidgen of thought and some nice visuals. Turistas may not leave you with a case of la turista, but it's not exactly appetizing either.

Special Features
1. The unrated version includes both the unrated version and the theatrical cut in case you like your torture films less filling.
2. The Bloody Truth: The Special Make-Up Effects of Turistas
Disgusting and fascinating at the same time. The kind of effort put into making the surgery scene at the end look so real is frightening.
3. Commentary with Director John Stockwell and Producer Kent Kubena
If you're interested in how to make a film in Brazil, then this is an interesting bit of commentary.
4. Deleted Scenes
I Have A Shit
Kiko: I have a shit that tells me what to do...but the shit is very old and very stupid.
He means to say "sheet" as in a sheet of phrases in English, but it is so much funnier to go on in this vein for a minute.
Bar Fight
It's more like Bar Altercation. Alex steps up to defend Amy from a guy who gets to grindy and then pulls a gun. It makes the whole bar scene a bit too dangerous too soon.
Morning After
A great scene where the cabana bar owner shows up in the morning and says they owe him a lot of money. Things are bad enough for them but to have the mundane problem of having to pay for a mess is almost funny compared to what else is in store for them.
Lost
They're lost in the jungle and Kiko climbs a tree to try to figure out where they are while the guys debate whether or not they can get back to where they started from if they have to kill Kiko. I think they should have just killed Kiko and set up their own little Gilligan's Island village in the jungle.
The Waterfall
An extended scene in the fabulous waterfall location. It raises the question of whether it's worth transplanting organs from someone hopped up on several different drugs.
Shower Trip
People high on E sitting under an outdoor shower.
Girl Talk
A tender scene with Amy freaking out while being comforted by Bea. This scene raises all kinds of unanswered questions about Bea and Amy's relationship.
Alex On Patrol
Alex walking around on nightwatch with a serious case of insomnia.
On The Prowl
At Zamora's "facility" a guard gets busy with the cook.
Kiko's Speech
Kiko delivers a long speech explaining his reasons for being involved with this group and defending his choices. And then he gets shot. Might have been even more fun if he had been eaten by one of those sharks from Deep Blue Sea.
Alternate Ending
In the Alternate Ending Alex smashes Zamora's head in with a rock in the cave.
5. Trailers
The Hills Have Eyes 2 (aka The Hills Still Have Eyes) This is a pretty good teaser. I don't want to see the film, but it's a good trailer.
Wrong Turn 2 (aka This Turn Is Still Wrong)
Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj (aka How Come You're Not Funny Anymore? 2: The Rise of Awful Comedy)
Path Finder (I was pretty sure Pathfinder was all one word, but hey it's Fox's movie...)