The Wessex Steam-saw Massacre

Small Town Folk (2007-2009)
Directed by Peter Stanley-Ward
Written by Natalie Conway, Peter Stanley-Ward

There are many reasons I took such delight in this odd film. To begin with, look at the copyright years on the film. That’s right folks, that’s years with an ‘s’ as in the plural of year. That and the fact that it cost £4000 to make are your first indicators that this is what a truly independent film looks like. Neither the smallness of a thing nor the fact that it is hand-crafted is a guarantee of quality, but it lends a bit of charm to the film.
The other thing that lends charm is the music. Hard driving folksy music. This is the kind of movie that happy fast paced murder ballads were made for.
What could have been a wretched rural terror film is made charming by the almost whimsical absurdity of the setting and characters as well as the dreamlike cinematography, which makes the most of the limited resources.
Sure, it’s as gruesome as other films where people take a drive in the countryside only to discover a horror show of people disemboweling travellers, but for some reason if you slap a folksy soundtrack to it and give your killers bowler hats and funny lines it becomes almost cute. Almost. Still gruesome, but it is fun.

The Landlord....Chris R. Wright (Emulsion)
Knackerman #1....Howard Lew Lewis (Pennies from Heaven, Reilly: Ace of Spies, Chaplin, Keen Eddie, Brazil)
Knackerman #2....Warwick Davis (Willow! You’ll forgive him for all those Leprechaun movies after this.)
Dobbin.....Dan Palmer
Marcus....Simon Stanley-Ward
Jon...Greg Martin
Susan....Hannah Flint
Pooch....Jon Nicholas
Pike....Ben Richards
Ric....James Ford
Heather.....Sophie Rundle
Shaz.....Tamaryn Payne
Smithy....Chris Musselwhite
Crow Brother #1.....Harrison Hawker
Crow Brother #2....Peter Stanley-Ward
Grockle....James Heathcote
Corpses....Selina Newell
Josh Hawker
James Light

Original Music by David James Nielsen
Cinematography by Peter Stanley-Ward

Small Town Folk is a narrow escape tale. The folk in the title is as much a reference to the kind of folklore genre this story belongs to as it is to the small town folk of Grockleton. Unlike wary traveler tales like Hostel or Turistas or even Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Small Town Folk has a layer of humorous charm to it that gives even the gruesome killing a kind of folksy charm. Again, maybe it’s just that the music and the settings and characters are close enough to a kind of Wind in the Willows meets Frankenstein atmosphere that it’s hard not to remain cheery even in the face of blood, guts and gore. Even the gender issues of the violence are mitigated by the natural bent of the storyline. There are no women left in Grockleton, so they’ve got to kidnap any if they’re going to get any heirs. That’s almost disturbingly wholesome as psycho-killer motivations go in rural terror films. Almost, if it weren't so completely fucked up.

Let me backtrack a second to the opening of the film, where some guy who looks like Waldo from Where’s Waldo? (as opposed to Waldo from The Great Waldo Pepper) runs out of Beesley’s Manor (a little house on a hill) and a voice calls: Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit. Run, run, run. Here comes the farmer with his gun, gun, gun.
After a brief chase and a kill we get to see Waldo killed with a sword (Guy killed me with a sword, Mal...how weird is that?) and then an awesome song for the credits sequence. It’s like The Pogues decided to do their own version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Then we meet our main couple of lost travelers who are clearly already having a bad day.
Susan: You didn’t see a woodpecker
Jon: Well, no.
Susan: Well then how can you say “I spy a woodpecker” if you didn’t see a woodpecker.
Jon: You don’t actually need to see it, do you?
Susan: Yes, you do, Jon. That’s why it’s called I Spy with my Little Eye. You have to see it.
Jon: Well, I always thought that was kind of hypothetical.
Susan: No.
That moment let’s you know what kind of film you’re dealing with here. If you don’t get at least a dry chortle out of that exchange, then you need to borrow a nickel and buy yourself a gumball and a sense of humor.

Meanwhile the youth contingent rides along on their bicycles in an awkward scene where the mean guy Rick makes fun of the guy with the helmet, Marcus by calling him “Helmet” thus embarrassing him in front of the girls, Heather and Shaz. This is funny because Rick is an awkwardly stupid bully. Also he and Shaz have the longest exchange of ludicrous facial gestures implying sexual activity ever recorded on film.

Then Jon and Susan ask for directions from the Knackermen, who give them directions to Grockleton and then tell them to not go there because nobody ever returns from there. If Warwick Davis tells you not to go someplace, then you shouldn’t go there. He should know. Listen to Warwick Davis. He's smarter than you.

Rick: You know, there’s a very dangerous snake that lives in these parts.
Shaz: Well, that doesn’t scare me. I can handle snakes. Especially big long hard ones.
Rick: Oh. We are talking about my penis, right?
Shaz: Yes, Rick.
The look of disdain that Shaz has on that last line is priceless. The fact that she follows that disdainful look by kneeling says a lot about gender relations. Guys like Marcus can be smarter than guys like Rick, and even a girl like Shaz will recognize that Rick is a complete idiot. But she still plans on blowing him. Luckily or unluckily depending on how you view this relationship, Shaz ends up only getting sprayed with blood when some guy with a burlap sack on his head plunges a sickle into Rick’s groin from behind and then chops at his torso to make sure he’s fully dead. Poor Rick...his snake/penis turns out not to have been the most dangerous thing in these parts.
And then burlap sack guy drags Shaz off by the hair, caveman-style...you know, for the breeding. Heather manages to escape this by hiding behind a tree. This works, no doubt, because burlap sacks reduce visibility and also it’s enough trouble to drag one kicking and screaming girl by the hair across the woods and over a river and through a meadow and whatnot.

Meanwhile, John and Susan make it to Grockleton.
Susan: I’m not seeing it on the map, Jon.
Jon: People make a place, Susan.
Jon’s comment is ridiculously profound. A corollary to that is that scary inbred murderous people make a scary inbred murderous kind of place, but maybe that goes without saying. Inbred people like Pooch, the delightful cross-eyed blind guy who tries to hunt Marcus with a shotgun. While he has no problem hitting a squirrel from a distance, he can’t manage to shoot Marcus, because his aim is a little off, what with the cross-eyed blindness business and all.
In case you thought Marcus and Heather would end up together, I should mention that she gets spitted from behind with the scarecrow’s scythe while Marcus is talking to her. Maybe she would have dated Marcus after this was all over. Maybe she was already kind of into him. Now we’ll never know. And that’s our episode of teen tragedy for today. This is where revenge forces Marcus to become a man.
Marcus: Come and get some, you tit.
Okay, maybe “man” isn’t quite the word for it.

Did I mention the part where the Beesleys chase down our heroes with a steam engine? If only it included a steam-powered chainsaw. That would have been perfect. I’m not entirely sure if the girls in the basement were completely dead or not, but since the Beesley place burns down at the end, it doesn’t quite matter. Collateral damage and whatnot.

Jon: It’s quiet.
Marcus: A little too quiet.
Me: This film is self-aware.
You: A little too self-aware.

What’s interesting is that the Beesleys and the Scarecrow people aren’t quite aligned. It’s nice when a horror film takes the time to have villains with competing interests and complex relationships. In this case the Beesley/Scarecrow relationship seems to be about landowning gentry versus farmer/peasant classes. Interesting from a sociological standpoint. Also, there’s something to be said about the relationship between regular folk and the small town folk that inhabit places like this who are clearly marked as being “different.” If that thought makes your brain hurt you can go back to watching House of Wax.

...luck is never cast in stone.
Next time you’re on your own.

So, the narrow escape story concludes with Jon and Susan and young Marcus escaping (narrowly, obviously). I’d have to say that the Indiana Jones sequence on top of the land cruiser with the crossbow that shoots horseshoes is sheer genius. And if the words “crossbow that shoots horseshoes” doesn’t make you want to watch this film, then I don’t know what will.

In the end, Small Town Folk is a really fun bit of folklore, about as gruesome as something from the Brothers Grimm and a lot less German to boot. I’m still kind of delighted by it. Pikey Tinker Inbred Gypsy Small Town Folk are so much more charming than Leatherface and family.

Extras
1. Audio Commentary
Mostly a family affair, this. Listen and learn about how to make a truly independent movie.
2. Folk Tales: A Grockumentary w/Bonus Music Video
For those of you who can’t get enough of the music.
3. Trailer
It’s like Alice in Wonderland only without Alice and Wonderland is full of people who will kill you and wear your head as a hat.

Previews
1. Kitchen Privileges
Peter Sarsgaard is a creepy guy who cooks up chicken noodle soup with lady fingers. I don't know what this movie is about, but I thought I'd warn you about Peter Sarsgaard.
2. Ghost Son
Giraffes! Hyenas! Zombies! Africa! Laura Harring! Pete Postlethwaite! John Hannah!
It’s like Out of Africa, but with ghosts. Not a sequel to Ghost Dad.
3. Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror
I only wish this had been done as an actual TV series.
Snoop Dogg, Brande Roderick, Aries Spears, Ernie Hudson, Diamond Dallas Page, Billy Dee Williams
How could this not be the most awesome African-American Horror Anthology Film of 2002?
4. Blood Ranch
Maybe the best way to combat urban sprawl is movies like this that terrify the shit out of anyone going for a drive out in the country.