Planet of the Grasshoppers

Alien Apocalypse (2005)
Directed by Josh Becker, Screenplay by Josh Becker

Alien Apocalypse is like Planet of the Apes for entomologists or for people who can’t stand simians.
If you like freedom or the freedom to watch Bruce Campbell in Bulgarian scenery then you’ll love Alien Apocalypse.

Doctor Ivan Hood, an osteopath/astronaut....Bruce Campbell
Kelly, an astronaut....Renee O’Connor (Yes, it’s Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess and that means I probably would have watched this movie even if it didn’t have Bruce Campbell in it.)
Chuck....Michael Cory Davis
Aida...Neda Sololovska (She's the waitress who from Man with the Screaming Brain.)
Alex....Remington Franklin (I still don’t think that’s a real name.)
President Demsky....Peter Jason (Con Stapleton from Deadwood is the President?)
Fisherman Bob...Vladimir Kolev (Fisherman Bob deserves his own sequel.)
Tyler....Valentin Giasbeily (If you loved him in Man with the Screaming Brain then you can see where he got his start a few weeks earlier.)
Manager...Velizar Binev (You know him even if you don’t really know him and you love him even if you don’t really love him or know him.)
Bounty Hunter 1...Dimiter Kuzov (His experience from Octopus 2: River of Fear clearly got him the role of Bounty Hunter 1. Or maybe the casting director really liked saying the name Dimiter over and over again.)
Bounty Hunter 2...Krum Iapulov (Krum’s sister Tidbit Iapulov is an acclaimed choreographer and performance artist. His brother Krusty Iapulov is a stand-up comic in Sofia.)
Bounty Hunter 4...Zlatko Zlatkov (Zlatko, Krum & Dimiter would be a great name for a Bulgarian Jazz Trio.)
Bounty Hunter 3...Jonas Talkington (One of these bounty hunters is not like the other ones. I noticed that someone had posted the phrase “I want a Jonas Talkington action figure” on his IMDB page. Well, let me go on the record as saying that I’d like the full set of Zlatko, Krum, Dimiter and Jonas as Bounty Hunters action figures.)
Jeff...Anton Trendafilov
Bizzi...Rositza Chernogorova (A Bulgarian model who was also in the critically acclaimed masterpiece Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.)
Baker....Georgy Gatzov (Octopus 2: River of Fear, Mansquito)
Isaac...Plamen Manasiev (Shark Attack 3 and Messenger #3 in the Spartacus TV movie from 2004)
Mountain Man Bill...Todor Nikolov (Dr. Mitov from Man with the Screaming Brain)
Crazy Man....Assen Blatechki (Python 2, Boa vs. Python, Spartacus, Sharks in Venice and Bulgarian Karate Champion)

Director of Photography, David Worth (That’s right, the man who brought you Shark Attack 2 and whose camera work captured the iconic imagery of Clint Eastwood and his orangutan buddies is back again and you’ll have to admit that he gets some nice shots of scenic Bulgaria in this film.)

This film from Bruce Campbell’s Bulgarian Period is a paen to resistance and liberty. It’s a real celebration of democratic values and the fact that it’s a cheap film that had to be made in Bulgaria because of the stranglehold of the expensive film industry in California makes this movie a meta-symbol in the way that something like Independence Day couldn’t be.

Yes, the set-up is a knock off of Planet of the Apes. But in this case the astronauts on the probe mission know that they’re coming back to Earth in the future after they’ve been in suspended animation for forty years or twenty years, or whatever it is. In fact, Ivan Hood, an osteopath, is counting on this fact as he is expecting to come home to a future Earth that is in bad need of medical care so he can be known as “The Great Healer.” There’s something endearing about an anti-hero with delusions of grandeur. It’s somehow reassuringly human-size as opposed to the larger than life perfect heroes of other stories. Ivan Hood is almost a jerk, but that gives him room for improvement. (Are you taking notes on this, George Lucas? Do you remember that point? It’s a degree of nuance that you don’t get from spending all your time seeking advice from infants and pre-schoolers.)
Now, if osteopath astronaut anti-heroes aren’t your cup of space tea then maybe you’ll like the aliens that have taken over the planet while our astronauts were up in space. They’re termites. Giant termites. And guess why they like our planet. I suppose they wanted to move in for the kill while there were still some trees left for them to chew on.
I know you must be thinking that giant termites aliens attacking our planet to steal our wood is a silly premise for a film, but hey, at least it makes some sort of logical sense and if you really want to think about it for a second it’s a pretty good metaphor for any of the resource wars that have been fought among humankind. So this time it’s termites that enslave us in their lumber mills where humankind is at the mercy of the demands of the wants and needs of their termite overlords. “That’s a stupid idea,” you say as you take a bite of your banana and sip your coffee while I wonder why you’re having coffee and a banana.

The amazing thing about the termite invasion is that in the course of a mere twenty to forty years they’ve reduced humans to wearing animal skins and unable to form rudimentary sharp objects. They’ve even forgotten what television was. On the other hand they can still remember the name of the guy who was president when all of this happened. President Demsky. I might buy this notion if the film was set in Bulgaria instead of Oregon. It’s like asking me to pretend that they’d remember who the governor was but that they’d forget what marijuana is.

President Demsky is the focus of the hopes of the enslaved humans of Oregon who believe he is somewhere in the mountains with a resistance army. “The President Lives!” is their constantly repeated slogan which they chant in such annoying unison that the osteopath finally tells them to cool it and stop chanting in unison.
Hey, hey, hey! Can we stop with that ‘President Lives’ crap, okay? You’re not slogan repeating slaves anymore. You’re free people! Start acting like it.

The humans are kept in line by the Bounty Hunters, turncoat humans who assist the termites in return for presumably a sack of jerky and a promise to not eat them. The fact that it takes Bruce Campbell, osteopath, to roll to the fact that you can kill the termites using stone age technology is one of the more ridiculously unbelievable aspects of this film, but then again, you already have to believe that termites from another planet successfully invaded our planet, so once you buy into that notion complaining about something being far-fetched is a little hard to swallow.

The bounty hunters shoot a limping astronaut when she can’t keep up with the rest and one of the mites eats the head of another one when he isn’t respectful enough in the first interview. Kelly and Ivan start working on trying to tunnel out of the pit they keep the slaves in using a pair of wooden spoons. Yes, it’s ridiculous, alright, but they make some amazing progress with those spoons. Eventually, Ivan stabs and kills a mite with a drill bit and he and Kelly and one of the slaves escape. Kelly is caught and returned to the sawmill/work camp but Ivan and Alex make it out with some help from a very attractive (and unaccountably clean-looking) girl named Bizzi who leads the escapees to the little village of Freedom Valley.

Freedom Valley is like a combination of a renaissance fair and a metaphor for pacifism/isolationism. The people of Freedom Valley believe strongly that President Demsky’s legendary army of escaped slaves will free them, but they themselves don’t want to get involved in trouble of any kind.

Ivan and his cohorts head up into the Cascade Mountains to find Demsky. On the way they meet the eccentric Fisherman Bob, who gets into a philosophical discussion about uncertainty and empiricism with Ivan.

Fisherman Bob: What are you doing here?
Ivan: We’re looking for the president.
Fisherman Bob: The President, huh? The president’s dead.
Ivan: Are you sure?
Fisherman Bob: No. Are you sure he’s alive?
Ivan: No, but we’re going to find out.

When the motley freedom fighters finally find President Demsky and the remnants of the government they are a bunch of useless old mooks hiding in a little building in the woods. Demsky likes to paint pictures. It’s pathetic, but the important lesson is that you can’t depend on a small-government Republican to come to your rescue. Now, maybe Demsky is just scared, or pathetically useless, but maybe it’s that he firmly believes that government shouldn’t provide all the answers to an alien termite invasion. Maybe he believes that they can hire a private security firm to bring freedom to the people of the sawmill camps.

But Ivan Hood, D.O. will not be discouraged. If no one else is willing to lead the rebellion then he’s willing to do it himself. He manages to get a few people from Freedom Valley to join in his assault on the camp.
In the meantime, a bounty hunter whose life Ivan saved earlier commits the world’s most brief and gratuitous rape against Bizzi and tries to excuse it because she’s a slave and that’s what they’re good for. Ivan proceeds to shoot the bounty hunter with a crossbow.

Bounty Hunter #3: ...you said you’re a doctor. You’re supposed to heal people.
Ivan: I am. Your stupidity is terminal. And now you’re cured.

The rest of the film is a series of assaults and counter assaults on the sawmill. The first assault is successful and Ivan and his group take the sawmill. Then they repel an armored vehicle that comes up with a second wave. But the third assault leaves them stunned until Demsky’s people show up to help out. (See, even Demsky could come through in the end.) I find it fascinating that the termites like to wear wood jewelry and use wooden weapons even though like to eat wood. Their guns look like wooden laser blasters or like fat rain sticks. And yes, there’s a silly “I am Spartacus” moment when the mites try to make an example of the leader of the rebellion.

At any rate, the message about freedom is clear.
Freedom will only come to humans as long as humans are willing to fight for freedom.
I know it’s easy to dismiss the silly posturing and philosophizing in a film like this, but there’s something more endearing about Bruce Campbell saying it with just a hint of humor in there. And there’s something to be said for a story that acknowledges the fact that rising up in rebellion against these alien termites is not pretty, but actually a war of extermination. So, Ivan is known as The Great Exterminator. It’s funny, but it’s also kind of disturbing, as it should be.

So, Alien Apocalypse is on the one hand good silly fun, but actually if you can get past the sheer amusement level, there’s something interesting going on in there. And it’s got Bruce Campbell and Renee O’Connor. What else could you really ask for other than giant killer termites spewing green slime?

Bonus
1. Commentary w/Bruce Campbell and Josh Becker
I can’t say enough about how hilarious (and informative) this commentary is. Apparently the idea for this film was first pitched in 1988 or 1989, which makes it almost as old as Man with the Screaming Brain.
2. Behind the Scenes
You'll love seeing the mechanical termite effects in this.
3. Storyboard Gallery
Yes, I like this design extra.
4. Bruce Campbell Bio
In case you've never heard of Bruce Campbell.
5. Previews
1. Evil Dead
A classic.
2. Evil Dead 2
An even better classic.
3. Man with the Screaming Brain
Bruce Campbell in Bulgaria. If you liked Alien Apocalypse, you’ll love Man with the Screaming Brain.
4. Dead & Breakfast
The zombies, sir...they’re...dancing.
5. Lightning Bug
I’m almost getting sold on seeing this film.